


so you wake up one day and you're wearing his clothes...

by vype



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Gen, Personality Swap, poor moblit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 02:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/907907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vype/pseuds/vype
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin, Hange, and Levi swap personalities.<br/>Trauma ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so you wake up one day and you're wearing his clothes...

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for the kinkmeme: http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/2124.html?thread=1944140#cmt1944140

"...Erwin? You ok?" Mike can't smell any alcohol in the room, or for that matter, anything else that might have led to this sudden change in behavior. This is very worrying.

"Of course!" To Mike, there is nothing more terrifying in the world than Erwin's blinding grin. Very worrying indeed. 

The commander holds a pen in his grip, enthusiastically scratching down details of something or the other; Mike couldn't really catch everything that Erwin was saying since he was blabbering too quickly earlier. 

"If you're sure." Mike really doesn't want to get involved in this anymore and in fact he's ready to about face and march straight out the door, but it's too late, Erwin grabs his hand and shoves the piece of parchment in his face.

"What do you think?" Erwin asks breathlessly. "I've spent all night working on this formation; I've adjusted some details about the positioning of the scouts and I think it'll be much more effective for detecting titans if we increased the distance between horses by approximately 15%; aside from that I've asked Hange to look into tweaking the composition of the flares so that they'll remain detectable and visible over a longer range. Of course, I'll need to run some tests on this, perhaps we can schedule an expedition for next week in order to see how this works in practice. Hrm, though actually, I was wondering if you could ask Hange if she would release Sonny and Bean, so we could practice on a small scale first- at least only two titans will be easier to contain to reduce potential casualties before we try it on an actual expedition beyond the wall and I'll be able to gain some valuable data about-"

Mike sighs, desperately wishing he were anywhere else but here. 

-

"Tch." Hange's eye twitches as she regards the 7 meter titan's open mouth. Saliva periodically drips to the ground as its eyes track Hange's movements, the hunger visible in its gaze. "Disgusting," she says, glaring at a spot of sizzling saliva. And then she turns her head to avoid the titan's absolutely revolting breath. "Moblit!"

"Y-yes, squad leader!" Moblit snaps to attention with a salute- he isn't sure what happened to Hange, but he's definitely certain he doesn't like it.

"Go and fetch some detergent from Levi's hoard. The midget has so much of that stuff he won't notice if some goes missing." She doesn't even turn to look at him, instead choosing to fix the most murderous stare she can on the impaled beast. "In fact, get all of it. Today's experiment: whether or not detergent can act as mouthwash for titans, and if not, then the experiment is whether or not titans can drown from too much detergent because there is no way in hell I am doing anything with them when they smell like that."

Moblit is aware of the sweat sliding down his forehead and the back of his neck. " _C-captain Levi's_ detergent?" His voice most definitely does not squeak. He is absolutely not trembling in fear. "Y-you want me to _steal_ from Captain Levi?!"

And now Hange does turn around, just enough so that Moblit can see the razor-sharp glint of her glasses. This is a stare that promises a tortuous and excruciating death. "Do you want me to cut you to pieces and feed you to this piece of shit here?" She viciously kicks the titan's hand; as if that were a cue, Bean's eyes slide over to meet Moblit's own terrified gaze. 

"N-no!"

_"Then get the fucking detergent."_

"Yes, squad leader!"

Moblit runs. The others observing nearby don't blame him.

-

Erd hides a yawn as he makes his way to the living quarters. He'd been up a bit too late last night- okay, maybe not just a bit- but there is the scent of fresh coffee wafting in from the room, so that means Petra is already up. Perfect.

"Morning," he says as he walks in. Gunter gives him a silent wave. 

"Morning," Petra returns, handing him his usual mug once he sits at his usual place. "Where are the captain and Auruo?"

"Still asleep, I guess," Erd says with a one-shoulder shrug. "Didn't see them coming when I was walking here. You know how Auruo is; he'd sleep in until noon if he thought he would get away with it. And, yesterday was pretty tiring. Maybe the captain's still resting." Ah yes, coffee. After the walls, the next most holy gift from the gods.

And apparently he spoke too soon. The door opens and in steps Levi.

"Good morning," Levi says. It almost sounds cheerful.

"...Good morning," Petra responds, startled. Levi never says 'good morning'.

Gunter and Erd exchange confused, slightly concerned, looks before Erd shrugs. Who knows? Maybe Levi's bathroom was extra-sparkly today, or his cloak was pressed more neatly than usual, whatever. Levi isn't being grumpy, he has his coffee, all is right with the world. 

Even so, he can't shake the slightly awkward pause as Levi takes his seat, which seems to be the exact moment that Petra recalls herself. "Oh! Oh, um, captain! H-here's your coffee!" She turns to the counter and takes Levi's mug, stepping forward to hand it to him.

"Thank you," Levi says calmly, nodding his head in acknowledgement.

Now, Petra isn't a member of this squad for nothing. She's taken down titans herself, and she's long overcome most of the fear she had once felt at the sight of those monsters. Now, her hands are always steady and determined whenever she draws her sword to kill the titans. That is why it's a testament to how unsettling this situation is that Petra's hands quiver as she hands him the mug. And the coffee is sent splashing right over the rim. Right onto Levi's freshly washed shirt.

There is not a sound in the room. Petra's eyes are wide and terrified as she just stands there with her arm still outstretched, hand still jittering slightly. Gunter and Erd stare at the pair, and Erd wonders if it's all right to be legitimately terrified for Petra's life. Levi, for his part, stares down at the brown stain on his chest, so none of them can see his eyes, but nobody doubts for a second that they are filled with promises of murder.

Petra's sudden squeak of pure mortification and horror is quickly followed by her yanking the mug away (incidentally spilling even more coffee on Levi's pants) her quick, stammered apologies of, "I'm so sorry captain I'm really sorry I didn't mean it I am so sorry-"

Levi looks up. Petra's jaw snaps shut.

And then Levi _smiles._

"It's all right," he says. "It was just an accident." He stands, and Gunter and Erd can only stare in mystification. "I'll just go get changed." He stands, gives Petra another kind smile, and exits the room.

And for the third time that morning, there is absolute silence in the room. Petra turns her head to give Erd and Gunter the most confused look possible. Gunter shrugs helplessly while Erd shakes his head.

Of course, that is the moment that Auruo chooses to stumble into the room.

"Oi, which one of you poor bastards spilled coffee on the captain and why is he smiling while plotting your death?"


End file.
